When it comes to gift-giving they always say, “It’s the thought that counts.” On Valentine’s Day, and other holidays both important and made-up, I like to amend this statement by saying this is only true when actual THOUGHT went into the gift.
This week, in roadside vacant lots across the land, suckers gentlemen may purchase a wide assortment of desperate romantic gifts. The one I am seeing most often is a shrink- wrapped teddy bear & candy basket arrangement, ranging in size from “Aw cute!” to “Dude, can I borrow your truck?”
So, as a public service for the romantically challenged, I have combed one or two websites the entire internet for fun Valentine’s gift ideas!
- Tame the clutter: Be a hero for cleaning out the garage, like you said you would last September!
- Foot rub: Remember that old man on Funny Videos who used the disc grinder on his wife’s crusty heels? That’s love y’all!
- Choco-face! How about 3-D scanned, laser-etched sculpture of your face in chocolate? Totally tasty and not creepy at all!
- Frisky Fortunes! Concerned parents cause makers to pull sexy/romantic fortune cookie messages. Better grab the romance before they’re gone!
Fun ideas? Unique? Totally lame? Say what you will, these are all better, more romantic ideas than this one: Detroit lawyer holds Valentine’s contest – first prize a free divorce! Reached for comment, the attorney said: “It’s the thought that counts!”
And Happy Valentine’s day!